i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
