Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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