This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
