I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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