Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
