My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
