I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
