David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
