woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
