and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
