hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
