We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Be still, my beating vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize