i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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