i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
