It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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