im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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