Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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