____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
