Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
