You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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