i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
