I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
