apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
