I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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