you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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