He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
