and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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