Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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