Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
