Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
