I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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