I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
