i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
