I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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