If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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