girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My dick has a subreddit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
