i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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