if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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