I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
