i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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