there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
