Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
