i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
