I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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