soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
