We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Couch. On fire.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
