I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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