Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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