i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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