His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
