I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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