U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
