I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
