As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
