im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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