please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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