He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
