Jerry, you need to find god
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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