I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
