barbara walters just said penis...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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