I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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