Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
