OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
