once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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