she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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