he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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