I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There are leaves in my underwear?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
