like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
