If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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