So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
