i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
