I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
