I'm going to jail i love you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
