Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Rumble strips road head = magical
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
