ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
