did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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