Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
